WASHINGTON—Fulfilling his pledge to realign the mission of the White House kitchen with the vision of the Founding Fathers, President Donald Trump signed an executive order this week officially renaming the White House refrigerator the U.S. Department of Ham. “When Thomas Jefferson had the first ice house installed in 1801, the name Department of Ham was chosen to show the world our ability to eat cold cuts at a moment’s notice,” said Trump at the Oval Office signing ceremony, adding that when Harry Truman changed the appliance’s name to “fridge” in 1947, it “weakened the nation’s image” and disrespected the men and women throughout the country’s history who have enjoyed fresh deli meat at any time of day. “The Department of Ham is a beautiful name that conveys tremendous strength when it comes to cured pork, and it in no way downplays the strategic importance of turkey, salami, or even pre-packaged smoked salmon. The restoration of this name will return this storied 28-cubic-foot department to its former glory.” At press time, a professional headshot of a glistening ham posed before the U.S. flag had been added to the Cabinet website.
