I wasn’t going to write anything today because I’m in a depression and that makes my head into mush, but then I looked at a comment on my last post that was utterly infuriating and I started to highlight it and scream about how terrible people can be and then I stopped and took a breath and realized that 1) anyone who would leave a comment complaining about the fact that I (*checks comment again*) have cancer is definitely hurting in a way that will not be remedied by me screaming at them and 2) that it can be really easy to lose your cool at strangers (and loved ones) right now because so many of us are furious about the world today. We are not meant to be able to handle this level of constant stress that comes from seeing people being brutalized and hurt. The fury boils over into so many places because it often has nowhere else to go.
I put my time and money into helping the world be better than we are. I call and write to politicians. I amplify others voices who are being quieted. But it can often feel like this is not enough…and that frustration can turn into fury that turns into cruelty to others…and sometimes even inward causing us to hurt ourselves.
If my depression wasn’t lingering I might have better words than this, so please forgive me for not making more sense…but I just want to say that your work DOES make a difference. Your kindness and understanding and grace and compassion breeds more of those things.
This doesn’t mean that you should just take the hurtful bullshit or allow people to hurt you. Use that hurt and anger to spur you on in positive ways. And perhaps my way of dealing with things is more quiet than yours. That’s okay. It’s takes all kinds of people and techniques to become the best versions of ourselves. But be gentle to yourself. Take care of you. Protect your heart. Take breaks. Find actions that will make positive changes in the world and to yourself.
Do not let the world turn you brittle and mean. Your kindness is not weak. Your softness is not quiet.
I hope this makes sense.
And on another (slightly-related) subject, I’ll be at the Bryan + College Station Library System this Saturday for a little read/talk/signing and it’s free to attend! Libraries are being attacked right now in so many ways so if you’re in College Station Tx come support your library and see me. And if you’re not near College Station, go to your local library and get a library card if you don’t already have one. It makes a difference. (Also, it’s free to attend, but the first 50 people to register will also get a free copy of one of my books at the session. Whoop!)