OWENSBORO, KY—Insisting that the Winter Olympic sport was “basically just lying there and letting gravity happen,” local man Michael Chou correctly declared Tuesday that he could totally compete in luge and it wouldn’t be that difficult. “Not to shit on these guys, but c’mon, if you can successfully go down a waterslide, you’ve pretty much got what it takes to luge in the Olympics,” said Chou, who fairly noted that unlike other Olympic events, luge required no real lifelong dedication because “it’s not like you have a luge run in your backyard that you can go out and practice on every day growing up.” “I mean, there isn’t even a steering wheel or anything. It’s literally just lie down, point your feet, and don’t fall off—the same skill set that goes into using a couch.” Chou added that he didn’t understand why curling was the sport everyone made fun of when it actually requires “an insane amount of skill and precision,” unlike luge, where you could “honestly send down a sled full of sandbags and still probably get on the podium.”
