Hi Frank,
In 2012 when I was 16 years old, I was date-raped by my then boyfriend at a party. A story not altogether dissimilar to the secret you posted this week from a person who was assaulted by a friend and was considering suicide. It took me 2 years to realize what had happened to me and what that meant, despite it being painful and causing bleeding for weeks. My brain had hidden the memory deep inside to protect me.
In my secret I wrote to you in 2015 I said that I was mad at myself for taking so long to figure it out and that I couldn’t forgive myself. I was considering suicide and felt too much shame to tell anyone about what had happened to me. I felt weak and that I had let myself down. But I was lucky enough to find a supportive community and was eventually able to talk to a therapist about my experience. It took time and a lot of work to overcome the crippling PTSD I didn’t realize I was struggling with. But I DID make it!
These days, I don’t think about it and if I do, it no longer has any power over me. I have forgiven myself and now I have a wonderful partner who respects me and never makes me feel unsafe. Moving on wasn’t easy but it is SO worth it. EMDR saved my life and allowed me to see that I was in fact strong and that life was worth living.
I guess I just wanted them to know that they are not alone. Unfortunately 1 in 5 women and 1 in 16 men in the US will experience sexual assault in their lifetimes. But, IT DOES GET BETTER! This is not your fault and that person was never really a friend at all. You deserve to be safe and loved. You are not tainted or ruined, you are so incredibly strong. I hope you are able to find the help you need and are able to give yourself grace. We are not victims, we are survivors.
Much love from one survivor to another,
J.
PS: If I submitted a secret today it would probably say something like, “I am not my past. I change everyday and I can’t wait to see who I become.”
